[It was weird. Elliot knew he didn't like being touched but he found himself not minding this as much. There was still that aversion twisting in his brain but it'd been quieted, some wall let down to allow this to happen for now.
Too much at once might have knocked the tenuous balance in his acceptance even with the drugs helping dull his instincts to keep people at a physical and emotional arm's length away. But analyzing what he was doing, what he was allowing himself to do slipped out of conscious thought as John's lips pressed against his own.
Elliot should've been thinking that John was way to young to be kissing but Elliot hadn't ever been much for following rules all that well. And John was kissing him, not the other way around. And it felt good. It felt really good. The tingling sensation spread over his lips throughout his nerves and he was sure it was the affect of the Molly but he felt it to the ends of his fingertips.
After seconds that felt like minutes, his hand slid up, brushing over the other's cheek and then into his hair and that sparked a whole new set of sensations.]
[Those seconds felt just as long to John, because he had no idea if Elliot would kiss back or if this would be a totally failed experiment, one that would probably haunt his memory to the end of his days even if he did have the excuse of their both being high. He never took any sort of rejection well, which was a massive part of why he held himself so far from others emotionally.
But then Elliot started to respond, first with his mouth and then with that gentle touch, which sent shivers through John's entire body: pleasure, yes, but with something else layered just underneath. He let out a soft, high-pitched sound and pressed closer to Elliot, tongue nudging demandingly at his lips, one hand still scratching at his short hair while the other settled on his shoulder for John to anchor himself.
He wanted to pause this moment and live in in forever, but he wanted to know what might come next even more.]
[Elliot didn't know what to make of the sound but it didn't matter because John was already pushing closer. He was already demanding the kiss deepen as his tongue pressed against Elliot's lips until he gave in, parting them for the other. Maybe he should've resisted longer. There were tingles even on his scalp as the other continued to press his fingers against it, they went all the way down his spine each time.
This was all just the drugs. Elliot reminded himself of that as the other's hand weighted on his shoulder. It felt so heavy. His fingers curled into the other's longer hair, the softness of the strands distracting Elliot just a little.]
[This time John let out something closer to a purr when Elliot took a proper grip of his hair, a sound that couldn't be mistaken for anything but pleasure. Every reaction from Elliot seemed to happen on a delay, as if he had to process how he felt about John's actions for a very long time; that didn't exactly surprise John, but it did make things so nerve wracking that any tentative advance from Elliot earned him a shiver or a quick intake of breath, including when he finally opened his mouth to John's tongue.
Especially when he finally opened his mouth to John's tongue. The surge of heat through John's body was almost unbearable in its speed and intensity, making him try to move even closer when there was no more space for him to claim (other than Elliot's still-empty lap) and suck eagerly on Elliot's bottom lip. Even if things stayed like this, with Elliot only reacting enough to allow John's progression, it'd be fine. Just fine.]
[Elliot still wasn't sure about this even as John pressed closer to him and it felt so fucking good. Everything felt good. The way the other sucked on his lip sent heat and desire skittering through his body in the most carnal and familiar way. It shouldn't. John was a kid that he was helping. He wasn't even old enough to vote yet. Had he just turned 17? Or was he about to be 18?
Elliot didn't know because he'd never hacked him. John might be the lone person that he'd yet to meet and know for this long and never completely invade their privacy with an exhaustive hack. That wasn't to say he didn't know that Darlene had probably done a hack so if there were anything of importance she would've let him know. The fact she'd told him nothing told him that most, if not all of the story John gave them both was true.
For once, that was enough for him.
His fingers slid down along the other's skull to the nape of his neck, squeezing there gently, encouraging in his way.]
[That was a proper grip on his neck. Elliot hadn't been pushing him away by any means, but now he was holding John there. The immense power of these subtle gestures kept knocking the wind out of him, making it impossible for him to act smooth or seductive because he was so overwhelmed, and that one hit him so hard he finally had to pull away and gasp for breath.]
Holy fuck... [He kept his face very close to Elliot's as he caught his breath, never meeting his eye because he had to pull himself together first, even if his nerves were all crackling live wires and his mind was lit up like a pinball machine because of the drugs. It didn't work so well; when he pulled away to examine Elliot's face, he still looked completely awestruck.]
Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do that?
[Elliot let his hand stay on John's neck even when the other pulled back from the kiss. There was a comfort in the touch that he didn't want to give up right away. It didn't even make sense at all. Why he liked that touch so much. Nothing made much sense when it came to John and he hadn't gotten used to that fact yet.
[Of course Elliot would ask for the answer to a rhetorical question. Of course he would. It made John snort with fond amusement, and somehow his hands ended up low on Elliot's sides, near his hips.]
Longer than I've ever waited for anything I wanted before. [Because he was an impatient little shit who preferred saying no to hearing it, which Elliot had to know by now.]
[That was a pretty rapid volley of questions from Elliot, who - at least with John - tended to react more than he questioned anything. Now he had Elliot's attention and curiosity, though, which made his heart give a little skip in his chest. Swallowing hard, he tried to smirk and failed miserably, the resulting expression just jittery and nervous.]
Look, man, you know there's nothing wrong with my self-esteem. It's not like I thought you'd shoot me down hard or anything, but - [He'd come out too defensive when Elliot hadn't accused him of anything. He had to dial it back.] - I couldn't really see you being into it, either.
[Oh god. What else. He did smirk at that, subtly suggestive.] You really wanna hear all of it?
Oh. [That was logical he supposed. It's not like john could know anything about this side of his life. He hadn't even had anyone over to fuck since he'd brought John home.]
I want to hear all of it. [a quiet confirmation as he slides his fingers into john's hair] and then you should do what you want... And not ask.
[That - was the hottest thing that had ever happened to John in his life. He gaped silently at Elliot for a second, his heart seeming to pump magma through his veins instead of blood, before he was finally able to react by climbing right into Elliot's lap as he'd been thinking about doing all night.
Looking at Elliot from above gave John an even bigger rush than he'd dreamed. He bent down to kiss Elliot more thoroughly and much more demandingly, hands sliding up under his shirt to find bare skin on his torso - god, John ran hotter than the average human, and Elliot still felt feverishly warm to the touch. Was that the drugs, too?]
[Despite the fact that he'd invited this a sudden lap full of John shocked him. His eyes widened in their slightly too big way for a moment.
His eyes focused on John until he kissed him. The kiss wasn't lazy and exploratory anymore. John knew what he wanted and was following Elliot's instructions to take.
His hands were so hot on his skin, that alone nearly enough to make him moan into the kiss. But they felt good and he reached to pull his shirt off.
[Hearing Elliot moan made John shiver against him, because that was involuntary, whereas Elliot usually needed to think through everything. There was definitely some sort of power play involved in his desire for Elliot - which there tended to be in everything involving him, but he didn't realize until he heard that moan just how thoroughly he wanted to break Elliot down until he was nearly sobbing with need.
Of course he was glad to pull back long enough for Elliot to get his shirt off, sitting back on his haunches for a moment to admire the view before tracing his fingertips lightly from Elliot's collarbones to his hipbones.]
Definitely wanted to do this, too. [If his hands felt hot on Elliot's skin, his open mouth would doubtlessly feel even hotter, licking and sucking a path from Elliot's neck down to his chest. John couldn't stay in this position if he wanted to move much lower, his back already quite curved to reach where he was, but it worked for now.]
[Elliot tossed the predictably black shirt off to the side. He hadnt been sure of how John would react. The air felt hotter against his skin, breathing a little shorter as he stared at the younger man.
Another moan passed unbidden from Elliot's lips, John's mouth leaving him breathing harder and like his skin was on fire with the pleasure.
He was never going to learn his lesson with Molly.]
You've been thinking about this and you didn't do anything? [a small part of Elliot held back from this. He cared about John... He was so much younger..]
[He laughed against Elliot's skin at the question, resting his forehead against Elliot's chest for a second to answer.]
Sorry? [There was an ironic little twist to his voice.] Apparently I respect you or something. And you're like the only one, so you better appreciate it.
[Despite his mocking tone, he meant those words, and the fact that he had made almost no physical contact with Elliot in all this time probably said as much with what Elliot was learning now. He did respect Elliot, from the moment he realized that Elliot was taking him in without expectation of payback or praise. It had been a totally unselfish gesture, one without pity, and had always stayed that way.
Now he did want to move his mouth lower, though, which meant climbing off Elliot and nudging his legs open to settle between them on his knees. For now, he wasn't taking advantage of the position's classic meaning - he was up on his haunches, hands splayed on Elliot's lower back as he pressed more wet kisses across his abdomen and down to the waistband of his pants.]
[Even though the tone was a bit kocking Elliot did appreciate it even if he didn't get it, not completely. But he honestly wasn't sure he needed to right then and there were other things pulling at his mind, drawing his attention away from thinking.
The main thing was John was on his knees between his legs. It had to be clear enough that he was half hard already. And it felt so good, his hands on the small of his back, lips pressed against his stomach. God, did he want this and it showed in the way his body was wound tight with the tensions of it. Holding back again, though it took all his concentration.]
Why? I don't want to take advantage of you or some shit. [The words were spoken out of fear that wasn't quite inhibited enough in this state.]
[When John got low enough to see the beginning of Elliot's erection pressing against his jeans, he immediately let out a long, shuddering breath.] Fuck... [He sounded half-drunk with arousal, his hand just reaching to touch the bulge when Elliot spoke up again.
All John could do in response was laugh. Laugh and laugh until he finally looked up at Elliot with half-closed lids]
Elliot. If you tried to take advantage of me? I'd fucking kill you.
[He almost always had a cigarette lit, after all. John could do it instantly. So with that cleared up, he finally pressed his palm against the bulge in Elliot's jeans and started to massage it slowly, still looking up at him with that smouldering gaze.]
[The words were a bit sobering, Elliot's eyes widening again. It wasn't really shock or fear. There was just an honesty and seriousness to it. And he knew it was true. John could have killed him at basically any point and he never had.
And now he was between his legs wanting him and Elliot wanted him too. This wasn't bad because he wasn't taking advantage, if anything John was taking advantage of him. He'd after all, told John to do what he wanted. A free pass to anything his teenage hormones could've dreamed up.
He didn't say another word, watching John as he touched him, eyes meeting his. His gaze far more lazy but his desire was just as clear as if the way his dick got harder at the other's attention wasn't evidence enough.]
[He saw the reality settle into Elliot's expression, saw that Elliot absolutely believed him without fearing him, and he could've climbed right back up to give Elliot another fierce kiss if he weren't far more interested in this new diversion. That belief without fear - it felt a lot like respect in turn, but John had only ever known fear or hatred, so he could only guess.
Regardless, it was powerful. An aphrodisiac right now, and likely a source of much stronger ties and emotions when he came down from this high.
What did he want to do? He wanted to tear Elliot's restraint to shreds. Step one was unfastening his absurdly tight jeans; step two was tugging them and his underwear down low enough to free his cock; step three was opening his full lips around it and swallowing it with practiced ease.
Hopefully Elliot wouldn't think too hard about how he got that practice.]
[Elliot couldn't think much as the other pulled his pants and underwear out of the way, his cock springing from it's confines and then what felt like extremely quickly into John's mouth.]
Fuck.
[Elliot exhaled heavily at the intense sensation of the other's mouth on his dick. It wasn't the first time he'd gotten blown while high on molly but it might've been the first time where he'd spent so much time wanting it and not having it before. His hips pressed up slightly, instinctively wanting more of the warm, wet mouth around him.]
[Riding out the movements of Elliot's hips was effortless for John because they were still so restrained and small; he hoped that moving so smoothly with them rather than pinning him down would encourage Elliot to fuck his face harder, since that would just be more evidence that his control was coming apart. His blowjobs were fast and intense, as one might have expected from him, head bobbing rapidly and one hand coming up to cover the rest of the length when he needed to pull up a little to catch his breath - when he did, though, he'd press and curl his tongue so artfully around the most sensitive spots of the head that it didn't feel like like a concession.
He wished he could keep talking to Elliot while he did this, spin out a few other fantasies he'd had, but he was no telepath. Maybe with drugs having helped to break this ice, they could keep this up on a (slightly more) sober basis. It was likely either that or crushing awkwardness would settle between them, and John couldn't bear that thought.]
[There was no preamble to the way John sucked his cock, taking him down quickly over and over again and Elliot couldn't think about anything but the sensory overload. His hands were at his sides, fingers curled into the couch as if trying to ground himself in the moment.
It didn't work.
Every time the other pulled up it wasn't any less intense. His tongue doing things that made Elliot shudder visibly. He didn't know how long it'd been but it felt like John had been sucking his dick for hours and at the same time no time at all. His hips pressed up as the pressure built, thrusting up into that mouth that was so willing to take him.
He was so close. He watched the hypnotic sight of John's lips wrapped around his cock and it was more than he could have imagined it being.]
[Yes. Yes. John moaned around Elliot over and over again as he rode his mouth, feeling him become more frantic and desperate with every thrust. The whole scene was pretty wanton and shameless on John's part - a young, pretty boy with soft features but hard eyes, his hair too long and his body too slim, nearly crying out with pleasure from sucking someone's cock. Pretty lewd.
Pretty intentional, at least in the sense of working with what he had.
It was certainly telling that Elliot didn't touch John during this, hands fisted in the couch padding instead. Was that part of his mind that hadn't fully been made up, or just the sort of habit that came from not touching anyone very often? He still looked a bit like he was fighting against it, but John thought he had done his best. All he could do now was keep up the pace until Elliot finally gave in, which he could tell would be soon.]
[A part of him was holding back. Up until this point nearly everything was things that John had done to him. It felt as if the moment he touched him that would change. Elliot would be the one doing something to John and there was still an instinctual hold against that but it was weak.
It got weaker each time he was buried in the other's mouth, feeling him coming back up again. He moaned again, the sound quiet. The way his hips moved became more erratic and he knew that he was close. So close, whether it was the pinnacle of pleasure to finally feel the other's mouth, to feel some physical connection to something that had been brewing beneath his surface or the drugs but it felt like he wasn't lasting long at all.
He reached for John's hair, his hand going to his length as he pulled him off of his cock. This was the part he was the one doing something to John. He looked at him, his fingers curled in his hair as his hand stroked his length and it barely took that before he was coming, the tip still near his mouth but it'd been intentional to pull out before and to come on him.
He could say that it was because he didn't know if John would want to swallow but a deeper part of him knew that wasn't it.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-26 06:36 pm (UTC)Too much at once might have knocked the tenuous balance in his acceptance even with the drugs helping dull his instincts to keep people at a physical and emotional arm's length away. But analyzing what he was doing, what he was allowing himself to do slipped out of conscious thought as John's lips pressed against his own.
Elliot should've been thinking that John was way to young to be kissing but Elliot hadn't ever been much for following rules all that well. And John was kissing him, not the other way around. And it felt good. It felt really good. The tingling sensation spread over his lips throughout his nerves and he was sure it was the affect of the Molly but he felt it to the ends of his fingertips.
After seconds that felt like minutes, his hand slid up, brushing over the other's cheek and then into his hair and that sparked a whole new set of sensations.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-28 10:44 pm (UTC)But then Elliot started to respond, first with his mouth and then with that gentle touch, which sent shivers through John's entire body: pleasure, yes, but with something else layered just underneath. He let out a soft, high-pitched sound and pressed closer to Elliot, tongue nudging demandingly at his lips, one hand still scratching at his short hair while the other settled on his shoulder for John to anchor himself.
He wanted to pause this moment and live in in forever, but he wanted to know what might come next even more.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-30 05:14 am (UTC)This was all just the drugs. Elliot reminded himself of that as the other's hand weighted on his shoulder. It felt so heavy. His fingers curled into the other's longer hair, the softness of the strands distracting Elliot just a little.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-08-30 07:07 pm (UTC)Especially when he finally opened his mouth to John's tongue. The surge of heat through John's body was almost unbearable in its speed and intensity, making him try to move even closer when there was no more space for him to claim (other than Elliot's still-empty lap) and suck eagerly on Elliot's bottom lip. Even if things stayed like this, with Elliot only reacting enough to allow John's progression, it'd be fine. Just fine.]
idk what this rambling is. sry
Date: 2016-09-01 07:13 am (UTC)Elliot didn't know because he'd never hacked him. John might be the lone person that he'd yet to meet and know for this long and never completely invade their privacy with an exhaustive hack. That wasn't to say he didn't know that Darlene had probably done a hack so if there were anything of importance she would've let him know. The fact she'd told him nothing told him that most, if not all of the story John gave them both was true.
For once, that was enough for him.
His fingers slid down along the other's skull to the nape of his neck, squeezing there gently, encouraging in his way.]
WHAT IT IS SO FUCKING SWEET THAT HE STILL HASN'T HACKED HIM
Date: 2016-09-01 04:29 pm (UTC)Holy fuck... [He kept his face very close to Elliot's as he caught his breath, never meeting his eye because he had to pull himself together first, even if his nerves were all crackling live wires and his mind was lit up like a pinball machine because of the drugs. It didn't work so well; when he pulled away to examine Elliot's face, he still looked completely awestruck.]
Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to do that?
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 05:28 pm (UTC)He couldn't even blame him for it.]
No.
[A small pause.]
How long?
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 05:35 pm (UTC)Longer than I've ever waited for anything I wanted before. [Because he was an impatient little shit who preferred saying no to hearing it, which Elliot had to know by now.]
Phone tags.
Date: 2016-09-01 07:10 pm (UTC)Where did Elliot want it to go? Where did John want it to go...]
You've been wanting to kiss me? Why didn't you?
What else?
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 07:20 pm (UTC)Look, man, you know there's nothing wrong with my self-esteem. It's not like I thought you'd shoot me down hard or anything, but - [He'd come out too defensive when Elliot hadn't accused him of anything. He had to dial it back.] - I couldn't really see you being into it, either.
[Oh god. What else. He did smirk at that, subtly suggestive.] You really wanna hear all of it?
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 07:26 pm (UTC)I want to hear all of it. [a quiet confirmation as he slides his fingers into john's hair] and then you should do what you want... And not ask.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 07:39 pm (UTC)Looking at Elliot from above gave John an even bigger rush than he'd dreamed. He bent down to kiss Elliot more thoroughly and much more demandingly, hands sliding up under his shirt to find bare skin on his torso - god, John ran hotter than the average human, and Elliot still felt feverishly warm to the touch. Was that the drugs, too?]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 07:51 pm (UTC)His eyes focused on John until he kissed him. The kiss wasn't lazy and exploratory anymore. John knew what he wanted and was following Elliot's instructions to take.
His hands were so hot on his skin, that alone nearly enough to make him moan into the kiss. But they felt good and he reached to pull his shirt off.
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 08:00 pm (UTC)Of course he was glad to pull back long enough for Elliot to get his shirt off, sitting back on his haunches for a moment to admire the view before tracing his fingertips lightly from Elliot's collarbones to his hipbones.]
Definitely wanted to do this, too. [If his hands felt hot on Elliot's skin, his open mouth would doubtlessly feel even hotter, licking and sucking a path from Elliot's neck down to his chest. John couldn't stay in this position if he wanted to move much lower, his back already quite curved to reach where he was, but it worked for now.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 08:13 pm (UTC)Another moan passed unbidden from Elliot's lips, John's mouth leaving him breathing harder and like his skin was on fire with the pleasure.
He was never going to learn his lesson with Molly.]
You've been thinking about this and you didn't do anything? [a small part of Elliot held back from this. He cared about John... He was so much younger..]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 08:42 pm (UTC)Sorry? [There was an ironic little twist to his voice.] Apparently I respect you or something. And you're like the only one, so you better appreciate it.
[Despite his mocking tone, he meant those words, and the fact that he had made almost no physical contact with Elliot in all this time probably said as much with what Elliot was learning now. He did respect Elliot, from the moment he realized that Elliot was taking him in without expectation of payback or praise. It had been a totally unselfish gesture, one without pity, and had always stayed that way.
Now he did want to move his mouth lower, though, which meant climbing off Elliot and nudging his legs open to settle between them on his knees. For now, he wasn't taking advantage of the position's classic meaning - he was up on his haunches, hands splayed on Elliot's lower back as he pressed more wet kisses across his abdomen and down to the waistband of his pants.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 09:56 pm (UTC)The main thing was John was on his knees between his legs. It had to be clear enough that he was half hard already. And it felt so good, his hands on the small of his back, lips pressed against his stomach. God, did he want this and it showed in the way his body was wound tight with the tensions of it. Holding back again, though it took all his concentration.]
Why? I don't want to take advantage of you or some shit. [The words were spoken out of fear that wasn't quite inhibited enough in this state.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 10:21 pm (UTC)All John could do in response was laugh. Laugh and laugh until he finally looked up at Elliot with half-closed lids]
Elliot. If you tried to take advantage of me? I'd fucking kill you.
[He almost always had a cigarette lit, after all. John could do it instantly. So with that cleared up, he finally pressed his palm against the bulge in Elliot's jeans and started to massage it slowly, still looking up at him with that smouldering gaze.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 10:38 pm (UTC)And now he was between his legs wanting him and Elliot wanted him too. This wasn't bad because he wasn't taking advantage, if anything John was taking advantage of him. He'd after all, told John to do what he wanted. A free pass to anything his teenage hormones could've dreamed up.
He didn't say another word, watching John as he touched him, eyes meeting his. His gaze far more lazy but his desire was just as clear as if the way his dick got harder at the other's attention wasn't evidence enough.]
What do you want to do now?
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 10:57 pm (UTC)Regardless, it was powerful. An aphrodisiac right now, and likely a source of much stronger ties and emotions when he came down from this high.
What did he want to do? He wanted to tear Elliot's restraint to shreds. Step one was unfastening his absurdly tight jeans; step two was tugging them and his underwear down low enough to free his cock; step three was opening his full lips around it and swallowing it with practiced ease.
Hopefully Elliot wouldn't think too hard about how he got that practice.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 11:06 pm (UTC)Fuck.
[Elliot exhaled heavily at the intense sensation of the other's mouth on his dick. It wasn't the first time he'd gotten blown while high on molly but it might've been the first time where he'd spent so much time wanting it and not having it before. His hips pressed up slightly, instinctively wanting more of the warm, wet mouth around him.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 11:17 pm (UTC)He wished he could keep talking to Elliot while he did this, spin out a few other fantasies he'd had, but he was no telepath. Maybe with drugs having helped to break this ice, they could keep this up on a (slightly more) sober basis. It was likely either that or crushing awkwardness would settle between them, and John couldn't bear that thought.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 11:25 pm (UTC)It didn't work.
Every time the other pulled up it wasn't any less intense. His tongue doing things that made Elliot shudder visibly. He didn't know how long it'd been but it felt like John had been sucking his dick for hours and at the same time no time at all. His hips pressed up as the pressure built, thrusting up into that mouth that was so willing to take him.
He was so close. He watched the hypnotic sight of John's lips wrapped around his cock and it was more than he could have imagined it being.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 11:39 pm (UTC)Pretty intentional, at least in the sense of working with what he had.
It was certainly telling that Elliot didn't touch John during this, hands fisted in the couch padding instead. Was that part of his mind that hadn't fully been made up, or just the sort of habit that came from not touching anyone very often? He still looked a bit like he was fighting against it, but John thought he had done his best. All he could do now was keep up the pace until Elliot finally gave in, which he could tell would be soon.]
(no subject)
Date: 2016-09-01 11:53 pm (UTC)It got weaker each time he was buried in the other's mouth, feeling him coming back up again. He moaned again, the sound quiet. The way his hips moved became more erratic and he knew that he was close. So close, whether it was the pinnacle of pleasure to finally feel the other's mouth, to feel some physical connection to something that had been brewing beneath his surface or the drugs but it felt like he wasn't lasting long at all.
He reached for John's hair, his hand going to his length as he pulled him off of his cock. This was the part he was the one doing something to John. He looked at him, his fingers curled in his hair as his hand stroked his length and it barely took that before he was coming, the tip still near his mouth but it'd been intentional to pull out before and to come on him.
He could say that it was because he didn't know if John would want to swallow but a deeper part of him knew that wasn't it.]
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